The Word That Cannot Be Spoken
by Shawn Smith - June 15, 2006
I know not from whence it originates, so don't ask me
It's without a name
It's a word unspoken
It cannot be found in a dictionary
Nor uttered by human tongue
Nor adequately explained by symbols
*******
It begins as a tiny spark
An inclination
Not a bolt in the mind
But more like a whisper in the wind
But then it intensifies
The spark is transformed into a burning flame
The inclination is now a full fledged thought
Lodged in my mind
Taking residence in my body
The whisper is now a shout
Soon it will be a scream
So shrill
So captivating
So all encompassing
And so utterly irresistible
**********
This "thing" rages now within me
I feel it will consume my very existence
Voices, voices
I must have it
I cannot resist
And I have no desire to do so
My heart is beating faster and faster
I have now lost all ability to be rational
Reason has all but abandoned me
It has taken up its residence elsewhere
My vision and purpose are now singular
Do it!!! Do it!! Do it!!!
*******
This is madness
Complete and utter madness
Oh my companion, where have you gone?
Ye who have guided me along my way
Ye who assist me in my daily decisions
Return to me or I will be utterly consumed
I must not
I cannot
This is wrong
This is forbidden
It will cause me harm
I will be sorry afterwards
Silence..................
*******
The deed is done
There is no escaping it now
I am guilty
It has won again
Just like it has won on every other occasion
It will be back
But for now reason returns to me
As well as its companion, remorse
I feel weak and defeated
I vow that next time I will not give in
I will be stronger
I will overcome
But I only delude myself
*******
What's that I hear?
Oh God, here I go again