The Boy Inside Me

by Shawn Smith- June 19, 2006

"A man, yet by these tears a little boy again"- Walt Whitman: "From a sea drift"

I was a timid child, seemingly afraid of everything
I was afraid of the dark
Swinging high on a swing filled me with horror
I dared not venture into deep waters for fear of being swept away by the current
I was frozen stiff at the very thought of riding a bicycle
I cringed at all attempts to make me participate in gymnastics
And going just a few rungs up a ladder terrorized me

I was afraid of getting hurt and I cried
I built walls of protection around me to ensure my safety
But the walls imprisoned me

I am now 42 years old, but I am still seemingly afraid of everything
The content of my fears may have changed over time but their nature remains the same
I am still afraid of getting hurt as I face life's swings, waters, bicycles, gymnastics and ladders on a daily basis
Yes, I am now a man but the timid child who resides within me is still very much in control
I desire to tear down those walls in order to set myself free
But the boy inside me cries out for protection and the walls remain intact