Half Your Deen

A monthly advice column for newly- weds on how to maintain marital bliss and success, by Yahya Abdul Rahman.

August, 2008 (muslimlink.ca)

The Prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon him) said: "Let one of you take a righteous, believing woman as a wife, one who will help him in regard to his Hereafter" (Reported by Abu Nu'ain in "Al-Hilyah" and Al-Albani declared it to be authentic in Sahih Al-Jami').

The one thing of which I am very proud, and my wife comments on regularly, is that I faithfully wake her up every morning for Fajr salat. I don't even use an alarm clock but instinctively wake up when the time for prayer comes in. When I am away for some days my wife, who is now accustomed to this complimentary wake-up call, has to resort to using an alarm clock or she will sleep right through the time of Fajr. Sometimes, especially in the summer months when the Ishaa salat is quite late, she will go to bed early before praying with the intention of getting up before Fajr to perform her Ishaa. Again, I wake her up with a gentle nudge or a light peck on the cheek and tell her it's time to wake up and perform her Ishaa salat. Sometimes it can be quite a chore as she is a very deep sleeper.

I met my wife back in 1993 when I was a Muslim for only a year and a half. To be honest, I was on the verge of leaving Islam altogether as I became disillusioned with the community and felt out of place. There was very little support for new Muslims at the time. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, she appeared and some months later we were married. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had not met her. She literally pulled me from the abyss of leaving Islam which would have assuredly led to my eternal perdition. Instead, over the years, she has taught me so many things about Islam. Almost every surah of the Quran I recite she has taught it to me. She was the one who encouraged me to go for Hajj, and we actually went together 4 years ago. She constantly encourages me to generously give in charity and be kind to my non-Muslim family. When I confide in her about that which is troubling my heart she offers words of comfort and shows me verses from the Quran or hadeeth which apply to my situation. In the past four years when I have struggled with personal health issues, she has been there making dua for me and encouraging me to remain patient. Everything I know about Islam, and the very fact that, after 15 years, I am still a Muslim, I owe to her.

In the opening ahadeeth, the Prophet (peace be upon him) noted that there are four reasons why a man would marry a woman which include her property, for her rank, her beauty, and her religion (and character). Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) admonished his listeners to "marry the one who is best in the religion and character" and, as a result of doing so, one would "prosper." And in the second hadeeth the Prophet (peace be upon him) reminded his listeners that a righteous and believing woman will be of great benefit to the one who seeking success in the hereafter. This is so, because such a woman will remind her husband of her duty to Allah and encourage him to avoid the Haram and he likewise will remind her of her Islamic obligations.

I have heard it said many times that the best friend you can have is the one who reminds you of your duty to Allah and keeps you away from that which Allah has forbidden. If that is so, then my wife is my best friend.

My dear readers, this is a marriage advice column for Muslims. I write these words to those who are currently seeking a spouse with the hopes that they may benefit from what I have learned in the past almost 14 years of marriage. Always consider first and foremost the person's commitment to Islam before any other characteristic the prospective spouse may have because that person - besides being the parent of your children - may just be the one will be instrumental in saving you from the hellfire. Those who escape this eternal punishment are the ones who have truly prospered indeed.

As always, I appreciate your feedback and questions. I can be reached at: yahyaottawa@gmail.com