A Note To God

Shawn Smith- April 28, 2006 (on my 42nd birthday)

I hunger for you in my life

But at the same time the struggle with my own weaknesses keeps me blinded to the awareness of your nearness

I lack any spiritual depth and feel as if you were so far away from me despite the fact I am told you are nearer to me than my jugular vein

I am in need of you every single moment of my existence and I long to feel your presence in my life

The breath within me, the very core of my being, cries out to you:

Where art thou oh my God, for I am in need of you?

Do not forsake me in my hour of need for you are my only hope and the sole purpose of my existence

If you are displeased with me I ask you for your forgiveness and that you would overlook my shortcomings

Chastise me not for my hypocrisy

Send peace into my heart and cast me not away into the sea of your wrath

Embrace me like a loving mother and be my light in my hour of darkness

I am weak, but you are strong

I am in need of you, but you are not in need of me

I have not the obedience of your prophet Abraham

Nor the forsight of Jospeh

Nor the patience of Job

Nor the fortitude of Noah

Nor the purity of Jesus

Like Hajar of old I am alone and afraid

Zam zam, oh my Creator, I long for my own zam zam